We’ve moved back to the reformer, though likely not forever. I suppose this is what Pilates is about in part: variety and repetition. It’s not enough to simply learn strength and control through constant repetition of the same exercise. The routine must be varied so that my muscles learn to assume a position of power and strength no matter what situation they are in. And so, during my most recent session at Atlas Pilates, I was back at the reformer again. Many of the same exercises as before—the elephant, tendon stretch and more—with a few new ones added in. My least favorite (though Danae doesn’t know this) is still the 100’s, where I curl into the upper abdominals and, holding my legs in the air and my arms straight out at my side, pulse my arms up and down while keeping the stomach sucked in and engaged. All while breathing. Or at least attempting to. Ugh.

From there we move onto a familiar exercise, the “footwork,” which has me pulling in my stomach and pushing my feet against the reformer bar in order to move the bed against the tension of the springs. Danae really pushes me to engage the thigh and concentrate on opening the hip, and rolling the quad muscles out. The problem is, it’s much more difficult on the right side and it feels, well, different. And that’s when it hits me: it’s scar tissue in the hip joint and underneath the muscles that is getting in the way. Until now, I didn’t know what was preventing my muscles from functioning as I thought they should, or why I have that almost dirty, gritty feeling. Almost as if my gluteus muscles have to push through or past something to get to the full extension, but never can.

Being able to verbalize this to Danae makes all the difference in the world. When I do so, another light clicks on for her, too, and she begins making adjustments to my positions and to the exercises I’m doing to both help strengthen the muscles and, through use, break down that internal scar tissue. In fact, we end the day with her stretching my hip. She takes control of my leg and moves the femur head through the hip socket. For anyone who has ever had a bad neck and had the joy of light traction, this is what it’s like, only in the hip joint. As she moves my leg around, I can feel more room opening up in there. Then, she takes the time to stretch me and for the first time in as long as I can remember—since well before the surgery even—I actually feel a stretch in the very back of my hip joint, where leg meets buttocks. Heaven, I tell you. Heaven and a stretch I am not able to get on this side on my own.

I think we’ve hit the sweet spot. It’s just about three weeks in and already I’m tighter, more toned. And while I thought this was just happening in my stomach, I’m wrong. Others can see my shape changing in my hips and back and legs, too.

Not bad for a few weeks of work. Pretty impressive, really.

What’s even more amazing is how Danae has figured out how to trigger my weak points. On Thursday she noticed that I sort of hunch the top of my right hip up toward my rib cage. The muscles in my lower back and side there aren’t as strong. Meanwhile, the left side is completely over compensating. Which led me to mention how suddenly I fatigue much more on the right side while rollerblading. I think that made Danae happy.

“That’s because those muscles are finally firing,” she said. And she right. I skate for less than 30 minutes and my hip flexors and lower back on the right side are straining. Just a few weeks ago I could have skated for an hour and not felt worn out. Now that those muscles—especially the iliopsoas and the tensor fascia latae, I believe—are activated and working again it is as if they haven’t been used in ages, despite the fact I’ve been working out and exercising regularly.

When Danae realizes all this she really puts me through the paces, including moving me to mat exercises. Truth is, even though it has been nearly two years since my periacetabuler osteotomy, I still often have to lift my thigh up with my hands to, say, get in the car after sitting in the passenger seat.

I at once like and loathe the mat. I like it because it’s something new. And it definitely feels like a challenge. I loathe (loathe, loathe!) it because when I’m on the floor like this Danae has me doing exercises as simple (it seems) as leg rotations. Holding one leg in the air I draw circles. Sounds easy, but the truth is I actually grunt during this. I mean, I grunt like a tennis player on a serve, only louder and for longer.

Still, I can tell I’m getting stronger. My stomach is actually flatter and more toned, and other significant people in my life say they can see the difference in my legs and hips too.
Question is, am I taller yet? And can I do that handstand?

No handstands yet, but I am making progress.

Danae tells me, in one of our sessions, that I’m body aware and that’s good. It makes it possible, I believe, for me then to connect what she’s telling me with what’s going on. How certain muscles are engaging, or not engaging. Of course the downside is that I get so focused on trying to engage one muscle that I forget to keep those stomach muscles pulled up and in. They are pretty much always supposed to be up and in during Pilates. Lead with the core. Draw the stomach muscles up and in as you push out against the equipment with the feet. Lead with the stomach, let it do the work.

These are things I sometimes lose track of in the middle of an exercise. Danae has been adjusting my positions to really target the muscles that seem to have simply stopped working sometime before or after the surgery (other muscles have been compensating for them). And, as I feel those muscles—in my hip, in the outside of my thigh, in the back of my thigh—begin working again I often forget about the stomach muscles all together, I’m so focused on that one muscle I haven’t felt in two years.

Take, for example, the exercise Danae has me doing on the reformer. The reformer is probably the most used piece of equipment in the studio. It has a series of springs, used for resistance, and features a gliding platform that the student can lay, stand, sit or kneel on. By pressing against a bar at the end of the reformer I move the gliding platform along a set of rails. As the bed moves, the controlled tension in the springs works the muscles.

And this is where I have my first “ah ha” moment in Pilates. Danae makes a minor tweak to my stance, adjusting my foot so that weight and pressure is distributed evenly across the front of my foot. Suddenly, I’m not just pushing through the ball of my foot underneath my big- and second-toe, but through the whole ball of the foot clear out to the little toe.

It’s one minor adjustment to my position, but the results are instantaneous. Immediately my leg becomes weaker and I feel those muscles responsible for the external rotation of my hip actually kick in and, well, try to work. I push out against the tension of the springs and they tremble then engage. I slowly bend my knees and come back in, trying to maintain control of the springs as I do, and my right leg wobbles like jello. Well, at least we’ve found my weak points. I get a little stronger every time.